Stress is a dandelion whose seeds have been blown into every nook and every cranny of our lives.
Monday, despite the Migraine, I plowed through a list of computer-related tasks I had put off for a while: paying bills; untangling messes; individually reaching out to some of the 100+ "friends" on my Facebook because I'm deactivating soon; filing a warranty claim on my LifeProof cell phone case; starting to compose an email that I've put off for almost two years.
By early afternoon I became aware my body was physically shaking. I had forgotten to take my morning meds but more importantly my anxiety medication which I must take in a regimented fashion to prevent panic attacks. Too late. It occurred to me I hadn't drank or eaten anything all day but no notion of wanting to do either. I ate a few bites of tilapia, a spoonful of mashed sweet potatoes and a couple sips of orange juice. I woke our senior Cavalier, Casper, for his midday potty break. He likes waking up as much as I do. In waking, his droopy eyes and heavy head clearly say: "Just one more minute, Mom." As I walked to the sliding door, I held him close to my chest and I felt his heart beating. I stood still for a bit and absorbed the feeling. The girls charged out the door and down the stairs to the grass. Casper stretched in his pleasure of the sun. I breathed in the warm air appreciating the white puffy clouds and perfect sky blue backdrop. Neither the anxiety or the shaking abated, so, I did what I do. I pushed through.
George got home and we were both feeling the dandelion seeds. Apparently I was visibly out of sorts. I felt an uncontrollable desire for Knightley's presence. I kept wiping the unwanted tears of stress from my eyes. George verbalized his stress-filled emotions. I was proud of him and silently thanked God.
We were a bit aimless, standing in the kitchen, each staring at the dogs as they ate. Red bowl, silver bowl, brown bowl. George's Crohn's was acknowledging his stress. I still wasn't hungry. I hugged him for a long time trying to find relief and also to give support. We decided to watch a tv show and attempt to eat. The Food Network made us laugh. For thirty minutes, we giggled so much we had to pause the playback. Exhale. Relief.
George meditates and has quiet time with God each day. During that time, I am re-training myself to read my daily devotional & faith-related books instead of numbing myself with television or Pikimin 3 on Wii U. We have committed to spending time with God together EVERY day -- no excuses -- because we will not make it through the challenges without that foundation. How we spend time with God depends on how sick I am: One Year Love Talk Devotional For Couples focused on marriage by Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, or if I'm severely sick with one of my chronic illnesses, a Bible verse or a short prayer.
Monday was another day just like the other days. Heartbeats and puffy clouds; mental illness and warriors; laughter and Crohn's; empty dog bowls and a butterfly balloon; constantly ill and heartache; confusion and meditation; neglect and repeat; Everest and hinds feet; Angel Knightley and God. Dandelion seeds and Hope?