Dude. What a difficult prompt for those of us who have had thus far had our dreams for parenting and having a family thwarted by Migraine disease. I saw that some bloggers wrote letters from their pets which is a cute idea. I loved reading a honest and loving letter written by Nancy Bonk's daughter, Sarah to her mother here. It is so good to see how children can grow up in a household where a parent is suffering greatly from Migraines and be so well-adjusted, loving, compassionate and be able to see and appreciate the strength that her mother has.
In the Spring of 2010, I finally thought Dr. R and I had found the magic management plan for myself of a combination of treatments and I thought my disabling Migraines were behind me. By August of 2010, George and I were pursuing adoption (not wanting to put my body through the difficulties of a pregnancy). We worked on a grueling home study including attending many educational classes, writing a 10 page biography, going through interviews, getting background checks, spending thousands of dollars ect.
Our adoption agency, domestically only does open adoptions (meaning you keep contact with the birth parents) and so we were about to start our "Dear Birth Parent" letter which is a way for birth parents to choose the family they want to meet to potentially place their child with. We were emotionally invested. But everything went haywire when I developed Meniere's disease ending up with surgery in March 2011 and in the end of November 2010, one of my Migraine preventatives stopped working which jammed up the works and I was back to being disabled by Migraine disease. Adoption halted.
It was heart-breaking. I felt that was our chance for parenting through adoption. Our one chance to prove to the many people evaluating us, but especially the birth parents, that I was healthy enough to parent. With open adoption, the birth parent picks the adoptive parents. Now, no matter how well I get,the chances of a birth parent choosing George and I to parent their child as my health history is less than stellar is quite low. And yes, we have to be completely up front with our health histories. I have heard other individuals with chronic illness waiting as long as six+ years to be chosen and many are never chosen. International adoption is usually a closed-adoption process, but most countries are more strict in their rules. In some, you cannot be over the age of 40. George just turned 40 in March. And in others you cannot be on prescription medication in order to adopt. Let's all laugh out loud about that one.
If George and I see God's plan is for us to parent, our options are limited: gestational carrier--lay terms means surrogacy (my estimates have shown baseline $30,000 to 60,000, not including the $11,000 for IVF as I'm not diagnosed with infertility) OR pregnancy where I carry the child.
So unless I win the lottery or have a generous village of people raise the money for a gestational carrier my only choice would be pregnancy. And that would be an adventure of sacrifice, challenge, stopping medications that help treat my Migraines, hormonal craziness, a necessary village of hands-on supporters and the unknown.
So after being educated on how difficult it would be for me to have a child after living through the years of chronicity that I have, here is a letter I composed from my nonexistent child:
Mommy, I think you would be a wonderful parent along with Daddy. I see how much you loved Brittany, Emily, Knightley and how much you love Zoe and Giselle. I know you would love on me a gazillion times more. Keep trusting that God has a plan for you and Daddy. Keep enjoying the family you have now and focus on living in the moment with joy. I wouldn't want you to miss all that God has in store for you right now while you are waiting and hoping that someday I will come along. And if we never get to meet, I know that if you keep your eyes on God and continue to live in the moment, you are going to have the best life with Daddy.
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.