Chronically Missing Out & Chronically Living

As the Rewrite Your Day campaign for chronic Migraine awareness demonstrates, people with Chronic Migraine sadly miss many events that are important to them because of this illness: big events and little moments. The first of several winners in the Rewrite Your Day Campaign had a Migraine that disrupted her whole wedding day. Her prize was to have celebrity event planner, Mindy Weiss, plan a ceremony where the winner and her husband had a vow renewal "wedding" ceremony of their dreams. Click here to see a bit of video of the occasion.

The holiday season of Thanksgiving through the New Year, brings many events big and small that Migraineurs and those with other chronic illnesses miss out on and probably wish they could rewrite. As the December 2011 Headache and Migraine Disease Blog Carnival demonstrated, we work hard to decrease triggers to prevent these situations. But inevitably, we will most likely face an event that we will miss out on or weigh heavily on whether or not we should push ourselves to attend only to regret it later.

George and I went to Kentucky for the Christmas holiday this year for ten days to be with my family. We almost did not make the trip because my health was so poor, but George muscled through packing our Honda Civic Hybrid to the brim, carrying myself and the three dogs into the car and driving the 5 1/2 hours (yes I do believe he was going pretty fast) to get there.

Making allergen-free cookies with my dad.

I had many wonderful moments of being with family: making cookies, doing a puzzle, talking with my sister-in-law, watching movies, going out to eat for the first time in months(!!!) and being present for Christmas morning's gift exchange.  A dear friend from Cincinnati who had a miracle baby in September came to visit and ran to me once George had opened the door as we hadn't seen each other in almost five years. So many precious moments.

I also missed out on a lot, but I'll only mention the big things: spending the extremely special times with my family of Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve dinner and the second half of Christmas Day, spending time with good high school friends I had not seen in a while and meeting their children.

As I laid in my bed all Christmas Eve day, and during special Christmas Eve dinner, I could hear my family's voices echo through the house. I could picture what I was missing in my head: the food, the lively conversation, the smells. I only go to my parents' for Christmas-time every other year so it is a big deal for me to miss such meaningful times.

I allowed myself to be sad, to cry, and to be disappointed. Not being able to spend time with my family; friends during important times is something to feel grief about and to vent about. But, after crying and saying a few choice words directed to my body and to God, I made a decision not to feel sorry for myself and to limit my pity party.  After the pity party, I decided that I needed to focus on taking care of myself.  I made the choice by telling myself that this is just one day--an important day, but in the long run, I have other days I can make just as important.

My conditions are chronic, so unless I am some day miraculously cured of everything,  I am not going to avoid having bad days health-wise on days that are significant to me, like Christmas Eve or a friends' wedding or an important get-together. Finding acceptance with this has helped me to go through disappointments with less stress and even a bit of peace. I have constant pain, chronic Migraines and several chronic illnesses that incapacitate me, yet I still have choices, even if sometimes it is only a choice of how I view my situation. But that is a big choice.

My brother, sister-in-law, myself, & George (not pictured my parents and uncle) at a restaurant!

And then on days, parts of days, hours or a handful of minutes where I am able to participate, I make an effort to make them as meaningful as possible.