Some days, hope is hard to find, much less hold onto.
Research has not caught up with me yet Migraine-wise. With my Migraine disease treatment, we are going down a route that my specialist uses as a last resort. We're also tweaking other treatmetns that aren't really working, but are better than nothing.
Most of this year, my mantra has been: "I'm not going to be concerned about tomorrow because we'll figure it out then. There are no tomorrows. Only todays." Now, when I have frequent episodes where I am not finding relief, I find myself quite concerned. I need to have hope that tomorrow is going to be better.
It is not so simple to just "have hope/faith." People have said "have faith it will be okay." And I have lived through it not being okay so many times. And after so many times of seeing things not work out, it starts to wear on you.
A pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church, Rob Bell, once shared a story about a person who told him they were hopeless and he told that person, "I will hold onto hope for you until you can hold onto it yourself."
I have used this phrase with my friends and they have used it with me. "I will hold onto hope for you." Because the truth is that some days, no matter what people say, hope seems to slip through my fingers.
Recently, the hope that I'm going to find any type of treatment that will make my life more tolerable and more functional (i.e. do housework/cook meals) feels dim.
In conversing with those of you who comment on my blogs, I came up with the idea of buying a candle that says "hope" on it. What I got is actually a tea-light candle holder (no scent!). I light a candle every day and it is a great visual for me. My parents just gave me a Willow Tree figurine called "Angel of Freedom" for my upcoming birthday. It is an angel holding up a butterfly and I have placed it next to the candle.
This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J I rebelled and did not use today's prompt.