By the time we had gotten home, which took all of two minutes, I was ready to lay on the couch and calm my body down. As George guided me up the stairs of our bi-level home, I was not experiencing vertigo. I was strong enough to walk by myself and hold myself up, but needed his arm for reassurance.
|Photo from 2009 remodel|
George watched it all but too far away to do anything. His Jedi skills had abandoned him at the moment. (We will not tell Master Yoda about this.) These days he has a tight grip on me when I'm feeling off kilter because I have slipped out of his hands and hit my head on the floor a few times from Meniere's attacks or simply passing out. Actually, more than once a week, I pass out or have a drop attack. After so many falls, we have come up with a system of prevention. Though, we had not yet discussed what to do in case the toilet seat decides it wants to come off the base while I try to sit on it. Go figure.
It happened so quickly that I do not remember falling. I only remember being face down in the tub underneath a pile of curtains and a rod that had used the temporal and occipital part of my skull for target practice. I cried as I was stunned: first that I had fallen and second that I had been hit in the back of my head.
In those few seconds I knew I had a choice. I already had quite intense head pain from our outing and a was Migraine brewing. Crying is a huge trigger for me for headaches and Migraines. I do not usually stifle crying, but this was a time when crying would not make me feel better physically or emotionally and it actually would make me feel worse.
I took several deep breaths trying to slow my breathing and stopped crying. I was stuck because my left arm from my shoulder to my elbow is useless as fibromyalgia is causing it to scream if I use it. So I hung over the side of the tub until George regained his Jedi powers and helped me to the bed. Once I was laying flat with an ice pack the back of my head, I looked up a him and started laughing. That kind of uncontrollable giggle you get when something really "tickles" you (as they say down in Kentucky).
I did not know why I was laughing other than it was my body's way of coping. I'm pretty darn worn out physically and emotionally right now. Other than asking George what had happened, the thing I kept saying (while laughing, mind you) was "Really!?" "Really?!" "I just got hit on the head by a shower curtain?! Couldn't it have hit *anything* else!?" It wasn't a sarcastic laugh, but a laugh from my gut. George was staring at me. Maybe he was using Jedi mind tricks to make me laugh instead of cry? Hopefully he wasn't thinking "my wife has finally lost it!" :)
I told George "I feel like I've been beamed in the back of the head with a baseball bat. He picked up the shower rod and said, "You have."
I am thankful the fall was not worse. I am thankful George was nearby to help me and that this had not happened when I was alone. I am thankful I had the presence of mind not to get worked up.
And I really am thankful for those things, but I don't feel thankful. I feel like I want to punch something and simultaneously I want to sob until I feel better.
And those things are options, but instead, I am putting one foot in front of the other, which is proverbial because I'm not actually able to get out of bed today. And I'm hoping somewhere a researcher who cares about Migraine disease is also putting one foot in front of the other and working on a brilliant something-or-other that will one day benefit myself and the millions of people like me.
"Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it? I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land." Isaiah 43:19
Click the above link to find out more about the MRF and what you can do to help.