Monday, October 17, 2011

The Force (of gravity) Was Strong With Me

Yesterday, Sunday, I went on my first non-medical related outing since we got home from our vacation last month. Our outing, our couples small group, was wonderful even though I stayed too long: longer than my body said I should. My head pain was incredible, but it was SO worth it as I will discuss in another post. 

By the time we had gotten home, which took all of two minutes, I was ready to lay on the couch and calm my body down. As George guided me up the stairs of our bi-level home, I was not experiencing vertigo. I was strong enough to walk by myself and hold myself up, but needed his arm for reassurance.

Photo from 2009 remodel
We walked into the bathroom and as I started to sit on the toilet (yes TMI, but it is part of the story!), I somehow slipped (our toilet seat had a wardrobe malfunction) and the momentum I had landed me face first in the bathtub that is parallel to the commode and only inches apart. I instinctively put my arms out to brace my fall. And with the way I had fallen, I had pulled the shower curtain, heavy metal hooks and rod down on top of me. The force of the falling rod hit the back of my head straight on. Yes, gravity pulled that silver bar in just the right direction: down.

George watched it all but too far away to do anything. His Jedi skills had abandoned him at the moment. (We will not tell Master Yoda about this.) These days he has a tight grip on me when I'm feeling off kilter because I have slipped out of his hands and hit my head on the floor a few times from Meniere's attacks or simply passing out. Actually, more than once a week, I pass out or have a drop attack. After so many falls, we have come up with a system of prevention. Though, we had not yet discussed what to do in case the toilet seat decides it wants to come off the base while I try to sit on it. Go figure.

It happened so quickly that I do not remember falling. I only remember being face down in the tub underneath a pile of curtains and a rod that had used the temporal and occipital part of my skull for target practice. I cried as I was stunned: first that I had fallen and second that I had been hit in the back of my head.

In those few seconds I knew I had a choice. I already had quite intense head pain from our outing and a was Migraine brewing. Crying is a huge trigger for me for headaches and Migraines. I do not usually stifle crying, but this was a time when crying would not make me feel better physically or emotionally and it actually would make me feel worse.

I took several deep breaths trying to slow my breathing and stopped crying. I was stuck because my left arm from my shoulder to my elbow is useless as fibromyalgia is causing it to scream if I use it. So I hung over the side of the tub until George regained his Jedi powers and helped me to the bed. Once I was laying flat with an ice pack the back of my head, I looked up a him and started laughing. That kind of uncontrollable giggle you get when something really "tickles" you (as they say down in Kentucky).

I did not know why I was laughing other than it was my body's way of coping. I'm pretty darn worn out physically and emotionally right now. Other than asking George what had happened, the thing I kept saying (while laughing, mind you) was "Really!?" "Really?!" "I just got hit on the head by a shower curtain?! Couldn't it have hit *anything* else!?" It wasn't a sarcastic laugh, but a laugh from my gut. George was staring at me. Maybe he was using Jedi mind tricks to make me laugh instead of cry?  Hopefully he wasn't thinking "my wife has finally lost it!" :)

I told George "I feel like I've been beamed in the back of the head with a baseball bat. He picked up the shower rod and said, "You have."

I am thankful the fall was not worse. I am thankful George was nearby to help me and that this had not happened when I was alone. I am thankful I had the presence of mind not to get worked up.

And I really am thankful for those things, but I don't feel thankful. I feel like I want to punch something and simultaneously I want to sob until I feel better. 

And those things are options, but instead, I am putting one foot in front of the other, which is proverbial because I'm not actually able to get out of bed today. And I'm hoping somewhere a researcher who cares about Migraine disease is also putting one foot in front of the other and working on a brilliant something-or-other that will one day benefit myself and the millions of people like me.

"Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it? I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land." Isaiah 43:19

Click the above link to find out more about the MRF and what you can do to help.

7 comments:

  1. Good Lord! Attack of the killer bathroom utilities! lol! I hope your occipital lobe is still in tact! Don't you just love those random belly laugh moments? They're just so good for the soul!

    Nice reading your blog by the way!

    ReplyDelete
  2. When you were describing this I thought "I thought those things only happened to me...or my husband who once broke his toe getting out of the shower."

    You had me laughing though when you talked about your laughing spell, reminding me of the other night. I was having a Meniere's attack...bad, but not throwing up yet. However, I felt it was coming...I was trying to calm myself and Stuart always tries to help. We have a little chant that we do, that usually helps, and I try to look at a still place (usually the line where the ceiling and wall meets, but this time it wasn't working, and I wanted to look Stuart in the eyes, to help calm me, but he was moving back and forth as he was chanting, and saying calm, and he loves me, and he's not leaving me...(it really helps) So I ask him to be still so I can look at him.
    He gets very straight, his eyes open wide, and is looking at me very still...and I busted out laughing! He looked like a manikin. And my husband figits, he's never still...it just struck me as hilarious. Funny thing, once I stopped laughing, the vertigo was gone. I would have thought the opposite, but nope, I felt so much better.

    You are sure you are alright, right? No concussion...or anything?

    I do understand lately about wanting to just cry and feel better. I find myself crying a lot, but I don't feel better, and my headaches are worse.

    How do you handle these migraines every day? I've suffered from migraines for a while, but usually not this bad for days on end...or months. It's so hard. They will only allow me to get so much abortive medication (12 a month), but when I'm needing 2 a day lately, that doesn't last long.)

    I'm grateful you could laugh. The endorphins released by that deep belly laugh where it's hard to stop...is supposed to be a pain reducer. But sometimes I find my head hurts worse afterward.

    I kept thinking...did you ever get to go to the bathroom, and when you got so tickled, didn't you pee your pants? hehehe I'm sure I would have.

    hugs to you...and George.
    wendy

    ReplyDelete
  3. When you were describing this I thought "I thought those things only happened to me...or my husband who once broke his toe getting out of the shower."

    You had me laughing though when you talked about your laughing spell, reminding me of the other night. I was having a Meniere's attack...bad, but not throwing up yet. However, I felt it was coming...I was trying to calm myself and Stuart always tries to help. We have a little chant that we do, that usually helps, and I try to look at a still place (usually the line where the ceiling and wall meets, but this time it wasn't working, and I wanted to look Stuart in the eyes, to help calm me, but he was moving back and forth as he was chanting, and saying calm, and he loves me, and he's not leaving me...(it really helps) So I ask him to be still so I can look at him.
    He gets very straight, his eyes open wide, and is looking at me very still...and I busted out laughing! He looked like a manikin. And my husband figits, he's never still...it just struck me as hilarious. Funny thing, once I stopped laughing, the vertigo was gone. I would have thought the opposite, but nope, I felt so much better.

    You are sure you are alright, right? No concussion...or anything?

    I do understand lately about wanting to just cry and feel better. I find myself crying a lot, but I don't feel better, and my headaches are worse.

    How do you handle these migraines every day? I've suffered from migraines for a while, but usually not this bad for days on end...or months. It's so hard. They will only allow me to get so much abortive medication (12 a month), but when I'm needing 2 a day lately, that doesn't last long.)

    I'm grateful you could laugh. The endorphins released by that deep belly laugh where it's hard to stop...is supposed to be a pain reducer. But sometimes I find my head hurts worse afterward.

    I kept thinking...did you ever get to go to the bathroom, and when you got so tickled, didn't you pee your pants? hehehe I'm sure I would have.

    hugs to you...and George.
    wendy

    ReplyDelete
  4. Believe me, you’re not alone in you quest to stifle the "attacks of killer toilet seats":). As an aside, I'd like to offer another "belly laugh". Your "tickled" line reminds me of a time at Purdue when we had a discussion in a theory of language class about regional dialect differences. I demonstrated the idiosyncrasies of southern and Midwestern dialect when I asked you if you wanted a "pop(carbonated drink)" and I, subsequently, had to describe the item in detail before you understood me. Then, over Thanksgiving, you went home and referred to carbonated beverages as "pop" rather than "soda" and you family wondered what I, a hick from north central Indiana, had done to their sweet, Southern girl. Although I chuckle heartily now, reminiscing makes me miss you more :'(.< 3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Believe me, you’re not alone in you quest to stifle the "attacks of killer toilet seats":). As an aside, I'd like to offer another "belly laugh". Your "tickled" line reminds me of a time at Purdue when we had a discussion in a theory of language class about regional dialect differences. I demonstrated the idiosyncrasies of southern and Midwestern dialect when I asked you if you wanted a "pop(carbonated drink)" and I, subsequently, had to describe the item in detail before you understood me. Then, over Thanksgiving, you went home and referred to carbonated beverages as "pop" rather than "soda" and you family wondered what I, a hick from north central Indiana, had done to their sweet, Southern girl. Although I chuckle heartily now, reminiscing makes me miss you more :'(.< 3

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow Kelly, what a spill! And how encouraging it is to read your honest response to the situation. I so can relate to not feeling something, but yet knowing it as truth. So many times I choose to believe God's truths, even though I know my heart is not there yet, because I know that's where my heart and mind need to be. Thanks for sharing your journey!

    ReplyDelete
  7. oh my goodness! I hope you are okay. Bathrooms are just full of bad places to fall down.

    My hubby has MS, so he has developed a good "fall method" which may sound odd to some, but obviously not to you. It's good to have a plan when you know you and floor will be having a meet up - soon!

    take care,
    Sue

    ReplyDelete