Thursday, July 28, 2011

Just Float

From the age of six until I left home for college, I had a swimming pool in my backyard and as I've always enjoyed swimming, I felt like one lucky girl. There is something about being in the water that makes me feel free.

I was just laying on my couch feeling like I'm sinking. The weight of my health issues are heavy. They all are simultaneously pitching fits: Migraines, Chronic Daily Headache, Fibromyalgia, Meniere's disease, IBS and my most recently diagnosed seizures. And as I just started yet another medication that did not agree with me, I have been pretty much weighted to whatever piece of furniture I am on with wicked dizziness, nausea and sedation. Lately, I have found a head space to get through all of these things. I release the frustration, the sadness, the anger, the helplessness and focus on what I can do: like Wearing a Turquoise Dress. Today I'm wearing a grape soda purple one!

Over the last few months, I've been slowing going through the book, Little Ways To Keep Calm and Carry On: Twenty Lessons For Managing Worry, Anxiety and Fear by Mark A. Reinecke, PH.D. I highly recommend it. There was one lesson on influence and control. It helped me see that perhaps I may not be able to control a situation, but I usually can have some sort of influence even if it is very small.

Earlier, I had a moment of panic. Today, I had to make a second preventative medication change in a week and the enormity of everything my body has been going through hit me and I panicked.  When I panic, I know I'm going to drown in fear and depression. And that simply is not an option.

As I was laying here starting to panic, the thought came in to my head: "Just float."

There is a theory that people who are heavier tend to float easier. I'm feeling pretty weighed down, so this should be easy. I'm gonna relax and focus on floating (not sinking) my grape soda purple dress!

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