Thursday, July 24, 2008

I choose to be a Survivor.

Anyone who has experienced chronic migraines or headaches has surely felt sadness or anxiety about them. They can be overwhelming and make one feel very helpless. Chronic migraines and headaches sometimes seem as though they are driving the bus.

When I experience migraines and of course my daily headache (NDPH), I often lose heart. I can feel as though I am at the mercy of my disease. And rightfully so, since my life revolves around whether my head is "good enough" or not.

I do not work because my head is not able to handle it. I rarely go to church because my head cannot handle it. I rarely get together with friends because my head cannot handle it.

"It is not fair."

Ah, this has been a frequent phrase in my conversation with myself, with God, with my husband. And, it very well may be that it is not fair. So many things have happened outside of my choosing as a result of this disease. But, how does this help me walk through the pain?

"It is not fair" may help me momentarily cope with what seems like unimaginable circumstances, but the long term damage is that I become a victim to the disease. And, in result, I turn deeper in my despair.

I do not want to be a victim. I want to be a survivor.
This disease means that there will be many battles ahead. I want to focus on what will bring me through each migraine and back to my life. I want to carry close to my heart thoughts that will daily encourage me to walk through my NDPH. I want thoughts I can hold onto that will bring me through the battles that wear me out and pull me down. I want thoughts that will hold me up when I am horrified by what I am having to face.

One of the things that has bothered me the most about having disabling migraines and NDPH is this loss of control in my life. Since there are an abundance of things out of my control, I decided to come up with a list of things that are in my control. It is not very long, but it is extremely helpful.

My list:

1. My Diet- This means I have a choice what I put in my mouth.

2. My Exercise- This means when I am able to, I have a choice to keep my body active.

3. My Head Game- This means I have a choice in how I think about my migraines and NDPH. And, I can choose
how I react to them.

May it be written on the back of my eyelids that even when everything else is taken away, I still have control in regards to how I react to the situation I am facing. I still have a choice.

I choose to be a survivor. Onward into battle.

1 comment:

  1. Kelly - Good for you! You are finding ways to be free. keep it up, girlfriend!
    - Megs